This I know to be True:
That I am stronger than I have been before.
That I am calmer
That I still am bitter about a lot of things
I don't know what I should do about that
I know to be True
that God is Love, and above all else, calls us to love without limit.
I'm not very good at that
I love being Home, at least for the first few days
I love my brother fiercely, more than anything or anyone else on this planet.
and theres more. but its gonna go on a different blog. cuz it is kinda personal. and i need to write it out to figure it out.


Sort of poetry. i used to write better. maybe just further statements of fact. don't know why i've been feeling the urge to attempt to be creative as of late. i kinda like it. i also kinda wish it hadn't been so long. last night stu asked me about theatre. its been a long while since that too...

I belong in Fresno for more reasons than a late August night
For more than faint tea and brilliant sunsets or routines
To sweat is to be home, far from wintersnowcold
To wander Tower or Huntington or even Fig
infinitely more fulfilling than the Loop or even Back 40
Even Star-damntheMan-bucks is better than Mind and Hearth at school

I belong to Fresno for more reasons than the permanent pollution in my lungs,
The scars on my legs from fences and boxes, or the callouses on my feet
To be tan is to be healthy. to be pale grossandmiserable (nevermind
the skin cancer worries of the Inland Northwest)
To swim backyards or at the club or bike around or walk
legitimizes exercise to me, nevermind fitness centers or treadmils

for more than the murals on the walls, the graffiti on the streets
or the police helicopter that circled my old high school tonight
for more than the good Mexican food, or the announcements in another tongue
over any loudspeaker in almost any store.
for more than the fact that people don't "look different" (ie not-white)
when you've been here more than 5 or 6 days
for more than the political jabs made in the Fresno Bee, including the top 10
I belong in Fresno for more than a childhood, for more than mere roots,
I could be transplanted... i like to think... to any place slightly less xenophobic than Spokane of course.
i don't know why i belong here. i feel that it can't logically be any of these reasons. there has to be something more. or maybe theres not. maybe this is as close to Home as I'm gonna get.