questions that break me (when i get older, i will be stronger)

A new family has moved in. The youngest is nine, and she speaks five languages. They have just come from two years in a Nordic country, and are beginning from nothing once again. They are Roma(ni) from Eastern Europe. They are sweet, funny, and full of laughter alongside of concerns.

Today after starting the school registration process, we sat around their kitchen table and drank strong coffee. After two years of English classes in a foreign European country, the daughters (9 and 11) are conversant, and very interested in who my girl best friend and my boy best friends are. We talk about movies, actors, popular music, and greetings in different languages.

Then after a while, one of the girls began a conversation that I have heard too many times before. "Christina. you are very white."

"yes. yes I am. My skin is very light, especially in winter." She lifts my arm to hold it next to hers.

"You are more white than me" (she is maybe two shades darker than me)

"You are way more white than me" -says her younger sister E (who is caramel-colored with dark hair and eyes, and truly adorable/beautiful)

"Yes, my skin is lighter than yours. but in summer, I will try very hard to get darker skin. I wish that I had skin like yours, E".

"no." -E

"Yeah! its true. Every summer, my friends who are light like me, we lay outside for hours and hours and hours, and we try SO hard to have dark skin. We think it is very beautiful"

"No. it is not beautiful to be black like me". -E

...

and then my heart breaks a little bit.

...

later, we're discussing K'Naan (the waving flag song dude, who was a Somali refugee as a child, and grew up in Toronto).

"is he your boyfriend?" -A

"no. but I wish he was! I've never met him before" -me

"but, do you know his mother?" -E

"no, I've never met his mother" -me

"You should tell him he is your boyfriend" -E

"yeah! I should call him in the phone and tell him, hey! no more girlfriends for you! only me! okay K'naan?" -me, and we all laugh

"...but Christina... he is African?" -A

"yeah, he comes from Somalia, which is in Africa"

"So he is black then?" (A has a seriously concerned look on her face)

"Yeah. he is."

"but he is black..." -A

"Yeah. thats okay with me"

"Is he black like me?" (asks E, a caramel-colored beautiful girl)

"no, he is much darker than you"

"is he black like my dad?" (a slightly darker caramel-colored man)

"no, he is darker than your dad. He's from Africa, so his skin color is like Joy's (their West African neighbor downstairs)"

"You would have a boyfriend who is black like Joy????"

...

My roommate who grew up abroad, went to high school in Chicago, and university in Canada told me in September that Canadians don't really believe in racism... At a museum recently, an intern told me that kids don't think about race. That its only adults that care about race. I told them that one of our kids insulted another by saying "you are too dark like emmanuel (a boy from Nigeria)".

...

Thoughts on talking to kids about the differences between people, and not judging or hating?? loving the skin they are in? not wanting to be white like me? not seeing blackness as something repellent? thoughts on not denying the reality of race and racism in the world but giving them tools and paradigms to avoid soaking it all in?

...

The girls also asked me who I hate. and if they would get hit when they went to school.