Self-centred universe?

In her upcoming book, Mary Jo Leddy, (Romero House Founder), writes on the empire of self that as Americans (she sees Canada as a colony of the US) have grown up knowing as reality. We believe that the world revolves around our country, our media, and by extension, our God, our perception and knowings of God, and even our personal lives. Everyone here lives in a self-centered world. She even points to Christian self-help devotionals that say before we can help anyone or do external works, we must know ourselves, as examples of the self-centered world. Her solution to this problem is to encounter the stranger, and welcome the stranger. When she helps people currently seen as refugees, she is pulled outside herself to serve, and then (hopefully) be transformed in the encounter.

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All of which, I would generally agree with, even before I read her second chapter this afternoon.

I fullheartedly agree with the radical proposition of Isaiah 58:6-8, that if we work for justice, our own wounds will heal. our own redemption will come.

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And yet, I am currently bound in my room with books and a computer. In my whole theory of giving up independence for Lent, I still remain in the centre of my newly constructed world. Where is the Lenten transformation in that? In the paradigm I've been working from (pre broken ankle), in order to extend beyond myself, I would need to do something. I would be the one "not hiding from relatives that need my help" and "sharing my food with the hungry". In that version of the paradigm, I am unable to perform those acts, and thus am unable to receive the salvation that comes with the dawn. I am living in a self-centred world. I am the centre of my space. People only come here to be with me. I will not encounter strangers here, I don't think.

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The solution I think, is to be open to seeing old people in strange ways, to welcoming the new dependent relationships. I need to be open to the possibility that the intern with whom I most often butt heads might be the one who visits me most consistently, who calls to check in daily. The culture that informs the interesting communication among our team is also dictating care and concern for me.

I need to be open to receiving the care and concern that my housemates offer. In redefining our roles to one another, my self should be open to be altered.

I need to be open to the possibility that I can accept gracefully whatever is given to me. I must trust that the godliness and salvation offered by Isaiah in the interchange are given communally, and that grace has many guises (most of which are quite humbling).

I do not earn love or favor, redemption or righteousness. I ought to exist beloved. Nouwen says I am God's Beloved.