lives in community, this she knows.
for the clean oven tells us so.
lots of fish fat fell below,
and then got burnt while dinner she cooked.
YES, she made a big mess.
yes, oven cleaner smells bad.
yes, she lives in community:
the clean oven tells us so.

...

I'm trying to get words out, so that I can move forward in my life here. Its been weirder than expected being back. Maybe it was all the reminders of how beautiful life can be in Fresno, or maybe its just nice traveling somewhere new. Maybe its the new plans that started to fill my head after that Fresno-Walmart sadness. I am the luckiest girl in the world to be able to work/live here. i love the people. I love the style of job and way of being here. But, I've started plotting my great move west, and all the sudden, I actually have to live here with real human beings, who are a lot less exciting than how I was remembering them.

and this is love, yes? the inane everything that we claim has some hidden beauty. the celebrations over snow forts and ghosts in my unoccupied room. Huddling under blankets watching a movie. being asked about my mom and my brother only because I exist and have them. writing silly lyrics to a song and hiding them under the microwave. two year olds that remember our faces and where we sit in the office while we were gone. another family accepted as convention refugees. staying up late chatting with a sleeping low-grade fevered child and worried parents. someone else doing the dishes when i cook. (doing someone elses dishes when they cook).

the alternate reality of a kingdom come.

(today i referenced a phone call I thought I had received 2-3 days prior. it turns out it had happened only yesterday...)