.JPG)
When leaving a comment on blogger, it asks you to choose an identity. If only life really was that simple.
Today, I'm going to be dashing, vivacious, chatty and deeply interested in finding the real You
Today, I'm going to be withdrawn and contemplative. I'm going to spend several hours wandering the back 40 and come back refreshed and enlightened.
Today I'm just going to be lovely and graceful in all that I do.
Today I'm going to be intelligent and engaging in all my classes
Today i'm going to be someone that is asked out to lunch which turns out to be so mutually enjoyable that it becomes a weekly occurrence even if its never anything more
Today I'm going to invest in people without going dry or being fake.
Today I'm going to shine with this enduring neverending love
Today I'm going to love my roommates well. all day.
Today I'm going to be steeped in the knowledge that I'm my daddy's beloved daughter
if only...
Friday, December 14, 2007
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
confessions of a snob
I'm a snob in so many ridiculous ways. and sometimes I catch myself thinking certain stuff, and astounded at how highly i think of myself while looking down on whoever/whatever I'm thinking about at the time. When did I become a snob? Have I always been?
things i'm embarassingly snobby about:
wellp, heres to further refining (through relationships) and humility. (maybe.) ;)
things i'm embarassingly snobby about:
- california
- fresno
- diversity (i'm getting racist. its really ridiculous. I've adapted to Whitworth culture in a lot of ways, and its been a while since I've been in Fresno/around Roosevelt, and so its like I'm losing my right to say something, but keep opening my big mouth anyways. only to groan about it immediately afterwards in my head)
- fruit. (this i'm not especially worried about. freaking. tired. of bananas and apples.)
- Mexican food. (this is just going to cause me grief for the rest of my life, so i need to suck it up and deal. and only go to Azteca during dinner hours, not lunch or midafternoon)
- Theatre. (also getting myself in trouble for critiquing a program I'm not involved with. and therefore I don't know who is involved. and insult people accidentally to their faces. its really retarded of me.) Its like I'm so technical, i just get in that mode in a theatre, and i've lost somehow the ability to appreciate it as Art (with a capital A, yes).
wellp, heres to further refining (through relationships) and humility. (maybe.) ;)
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Thoughts after the emergent conference.
number one thought: i want to go to solomon's porch
number two thought: i want to be someone who dreams up this stuff. i want to be a part of a conversation. i don't want to simply live in someone else's application.
number three thought: this isn't about "church" in the meetings or in the time. its about life. or should be. this whole ideology could be easily ignored or picked apart (and i think that the speakers/writers/thinkers at the head of "the movement" realize that) or argued for days upon end, but what it comes down to (at least as i see it) is:
people, getting together, trying to figure out how to live like God wants them to, trying to live the kingdom, following Jesus, all that jazz, together in small communities (at first), and this is what they've come up with. and now that they've been living/learning it for a while now, trying to correct false impressions, and share where they're at.
i wanna live it. you know?
i don't want it to be theology out of a textbook (yes, i understand bible is a book of text about theology. yes. i do believe the bible. no, i haven't worked out the paradox of my desires yet. yes, i probably will soon)
i wanna live in this community of people.
oh wait, I do.
I live on campus, with three amazing beautiful girls who I get to love on, giggle with, eat with, do chores for, serve, and even occasionally be frustrated with. this is what Jesus is talking about I'm pretty sure. Or at least, what I need to be doing right now in the moment.
for all my talk dissing friendship at whitworth, (see xanga for full apology/annulment), my newest thought process is COMMUNITY. I know, not especially profound, but still, I think, closer to the answer.
Something that Tony mentioned a lot, is the idea of messiness. and grittiness. and not having all the answers, but going for it anyways.life is gross. and messy, and people generally suck. but somehow Jesus calls us back to our true humanity (what we were created to be) and gives us a little help when he says that when two or more are gathered together he comes too. just to help us along in the right direction. He is the way to Life.
And its really easy to get into arguements, but a little harder to discuss. Thats something that i've been missing as of late. conversations where we don't have all the answers. where we probe and prod each others thoughts. and play devils advocate, not for the sake of being right, but for the hope that it would lead to greater truth. or come closer to the Truth. how do I lead conversations to that place without it being me stating my opinion and people either agreeing or disagreeing, but not calling me out? Do I just start calling other people out? (this generally turns into argument quickly). i want to delve.
i don't have all the answers. the only problem with this...humility...? is that i really don't think you do either. and i'm also convinced in my mind, that since at least i've come to terms with my ignorance, I must know more than you. (kind of a socratic complex when i word it that way)
and if you think you don't know, you just don't say anything, and then we're still standing on square one, only now i feel dumb and full of myself for stating my thoughts so completely that they're now standing for truth.
once again, completely distracted before this blog ended.
number two thought: i want to be someone who dreams up this stuff. i want to be a part of a conversation. i don't want to simply live in someone else's application.
number three thought: this isn't about "church" in the meetings or in the time. its about life. or should be. this whole ideology could be easily ignored or picked apart (and i think that the speakers/writers/thinkers at the head of "the movement" realize that) or argued for days upon end, but what it comes down to (at least as i see it) is:
people, getting together, trying to figure out how to live like God wants them to, trying to live the kingdom, following Jesus, all that jazz, together in small communities (at first), and this is what they've come up with. and now that they've been living/learning it for a while now, trying to correct false impressions, and share where they're at.
i wanna live it. you know?
i don't want it to be theology out of a textbook (yes, i understand bible is a book of text about theology. yes. i do believe the bible. no, i haven't worked out the paradox of my desires yet. yes, i probably will soon)
i wanna live in this community of people.
oh wait, I do.
I live on campus, with three amazing beautiful girls who I get to love on, giggle with, eat with, do chores for, serve, and even occasionally be frustrated with. this is what Jesus is talking about I'm pretty sure. Or at least, what I need to be doing right now in the moment.
for all my talk dissing friendship at whitworth, (see xanga for full apology/annulment), my newest thought process is COMMUNITY. I know, not especially profound, but still, I think, closer to the answer.
Something that Tony mentioned a lot, is the idea of messiness. and grittiness. and not having all the answers, but going for it anyways.
And its really easy to get into arguements, but a little harder to discuss. Thats something that i've been missing as of late. conversations where we don't have all the answers. where we probe and prod each others thoughts. and play devils advocate, not for the sake of being right, but for the hope that it would lead to greater truth. or come closer to the Truth. how do I lead conversations to that place without it being me stating my opinion and people either agreeing or disagreeing, but not calling me out? Do I just start calling other people out? (this generally turns into argument quickly). i want to delve.
i don't have all the answers. the only problem with this...humility...? is that i really don't think you do either. and i'm also convinced in my mind, that since at least i've come to terms with my ignorance, I must know more than you. (kind of a socratic complex when i word it that way)
and if you think you don't know, you just don't say anything, and then we're still standing on square one, only now i feel dumb and full of myself for stating my thoughts so completely that they're now standing for truth.
once again, completely distracted before this blog ended.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
I got all night to finish those two papers....
So I get myself in trouble when I compare the present to my recollection of my past.
Thus, I'm going to say:
I'm worried because:
I don't feel very passionate
I don't feel accomplished enough to do much of anything important in the world
I think about boys too much
I feel like I've been judgmental a lot recently.
I don't act that intelligent that often.
and i'm really not okay with any of those. although. its not really the end of the world to think about boys.
So the question is: Have I finally acclimated to Whitworth's climate? What makes this year so especially different from last year? Do I care about who likes me (ie wants to be my friend) or doesn't? why would it matter? how do i stay emotionally present in the here and now?
where is Jesus in all of this? how do I remember the answer to that in the midst of all this me?
Thus, I'm going to say:
I'm worried because:
I don't feel very passionate
I don't feel accomplished enough to do much of anything important in the world
I think about boys too much
I feel like I've been judgmental a lot recently.
I don't act that intelligent that often.
and i'm really not okay with any of those. although. its not really the end of the world to think about boys.
So the question is: Have I finally acclimated to Whitworth's climate? What makes this year so especially different from last year? Do I care about who likes me (ie wants to be my friend) or doesn't? why would it matter? how do i stay emotionally present in the here and now?
where is Jesus in all of this? how do I remember the answer to that in the midst of all this me?
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Communal Musings
I've been thinking a lot this year about community, and what it would look like to be the ideal community within the context of Christ.
some things that i think are required:
In Young Life, we talked about Jesus' method of discipleship: preaching/healing of the masses, teaching and spending years with the twelve, and having as close companions/explaining the nitty gritty with just 3. The level of investment increases with the decrease in group size.
But how does this translate to my life now?
How do we live together as lovers of Christ (and some not), without the hierarchy of in-groups? How do we avoid the temptation to catagorize on _____-enough terms. How do we avoid judging in order to make ourselves feel better? How do we love untaintedly? How do we live with people who think they are better than us? or inwardly convinced they'll never be as good as us no matter how hard they try?
How do I, as a beloved daughter of Christ, live humbly in such a way that he is apparent and my community is blessed through me? (blessing of abraham, we're talking about it in shalom)
.
We talked about the parable of the yeast amongst the bread in class today briefly. And how the entire loaf rises from a tiny bit of yeast. The flour doesn't really have any choice in the matter. And I think its interesting to contemplate oneself as yeast, but equally possible that one is just flour being risen by a piece of yeast a thousand particles away. There would be no way of really knowing. I'm not quite done with my contemplation of this parable, but it caught my fancy.
.
These are my thoughts for now.
some things that i think are required:
- love of everyone, especially those that are not necessarily in the community. The love your neighbor as yourself is not an invitation towards gated communities (whether metaphorical or real)
- acceptance of everyone. everyone is invited into the community, no one excluded.
- in the community, you shouldn't be afraid to be yourself, your heart should be safe, but more than that (in Andi's words) known, served, loved and celebrated.
- you should be free to know, love, serve and celebrate the other hearts in your community as well.
- the community is the kingdom of God.
- Therefore, it is what we are called to live our lives towards.
- I don't think there should be any form of hierarchy in community, and the implications of this are where I'm running into confusion.
In Young Life, we talked about Jesus' method of discipleship: preaching/healing of the masses, teaching and spending years with the twelve, and having as close companions/explaining the nitty gritty with just 3. The level of investment increases with the decrease in group size.
But how does this translate to my life now?
How do we live together as lovers of Christ (and some not), without the hierarchy of in-groups? How do we avoid the temptation to catagorize on _____-enough terms. How do we avoid judging in order to make ourselves feel better? How do we love untaintedly? How do we live with people who think they are better than us? or inwardly convinced they'll never be as good as us no matter how hard they try?
How do I, as a beloved daughter of Christ, live humbly in such a way that he is apparent and my community is blessed through me? (blessing of abraham, we're talking about it in shalom)
.
We talked about the parable of the yeast amongst the bread in class today briefly. And how the entire loaf rises from a tiny bit of yeast. The flour doesn't really have any choice in the matter. And I think its interesting to contemplate oneself as yeast, but equally possible that one is just flour being risen by a piece of yeast a thousand particles away. There would be no way of really knowing. I'm not quite done with my contemplation of this parable, but it caught my fancy.
.
These are my thoughts for now.
Monday, October 15, 2007
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Saturday, August 11, 2007
God you are good.you are good to me.
for you are good
for you are good
for you are good to me.
Lord.
fluid somedays tend to crash(andburn)
In You, my somedays will be safe.
never tamed, e'er burning Light
steadily hope replenished
much more writing on the wall
than what the moon in his eyes reflected
abba. abide. abound.
no self-righteous words/sound/tone/thoughts
from me, please.
Mozambique. Iveth. Arabic. .children.
Afrikaans. Katherine. hope. love. forever trees (Bonsai)
daddy. any days, dates, dreams. :you
ne'erdowell logic apparently rejoins
pathos and muse warily photo-op agreed
above all else, hosanna
the king has come
i have been claimed.
Friday, October 5, 2007
I came home tonight. Came home to Fresno. To my mommy and brother. We ate In and Out and my brothers been talking nonstop. he misses me poor boy. and me? i love him. i do.
I read Annie's blog. She is so beautiful and graceful. I am so not.
this isn't going to turn into self-pity though. I'm trying to be through with that.
When I read Annie's blog, it makes me want to be all grown up. I want to be married and blissful and just so jesusy, for no other purpose than jesus himself. I feel like I miss that boat a lot.
I feel like I am missing some key Peace in my life. That I'm going and going and sometimes doing well and sometimes not. (either way not really caring, but at the same time not being too deeply identified by too much else either.) I don't know where I fit at Whitworth, yet again.
I had a conversation with Josh last night, about why I came to Whitworth. I think the legitimate Me actually shone through for once.
This whole year i've been yearning to be known. (andi said in chapel the 4 great desires/fears of humanity is to be known/celebrated/served/loved and to know/celebrate/serve/love) and i want to be celebrated too. maybe all my frustrations that are starting to come out again are purely selfish in nature. I feel like I don't really have any Real relationships with people at Whitworth. and I guess I have this expectation that Christians of all people should be ok with being real at any and all times. my friends at home are Real, aren't they? (maybe Realness and christianity aren't mutually inclusinve... dundun dun) maybe i'm idealizing them, and maybe i'm just pushing people away by my intentionality this year. maybe there just needs to be more trust built.
maybe i need to just suck it up and deal with it.
.
i want to write about Jesus like Annie does. i feel like all I ever write well about is myself, and i don't know how i feel about that. i don't think its necessarily healthy.
I read Annie's blog. She is so beautiful and graceful. I am so not.
this isn't going to turn into self-pity though. I'm trying to be through with that.
When I read Annie's blog, it makes me want to be all grown up. I want to be married and blissful and just so jesusy, for no other purpose than jesus himself. I feel like I miss that boat a lot.
I feel like I am missing some key Peace in my life. That I'm going and going and sometimes doing well and sometimes not. (either way not really caring, but at the same time not being too deeply identified by too much else either.) I don't know where I fit at Whitworth, yet again.
I had a conversation with Josh last night, about why I came to Whitworth. I think the legitimate Me actually shone through for once.
This whole year i've been yearning to be known. (andi said in chapel the 4 great desires/fears of humanity is to be known/celebrated/served/loved and to know/celebrate/serve/love) and i want to be celebrated too. maybe all my frustrations that are starting to come out again are purely selfish in nature. I feel like I don't really have any Real relationships with people at Whitworth. and I guess I have this expectation that Christians of all people should be ok with being real at any and all times. my friends at home are Real, aren't they? (maybe Realness and christianity aren't mutually inclusinve... dundun dun) maybe i'm idealizing them, and maybe i'm just pushing people away by my intentionality this year. maybe there just needs to be more trust built.
maybe i need to just suck it up and deal with it.
.
i want to write about Jesus like Annie does. i feel like all I ever write well about is myself, and i don't know how i feel about that. i don't think its necessarily healthy.
oh sojourners, yay for you
The great mystery of God's love is that we are not asked to live as if we are not hurting, as if we are not broken. In fact, we are invited to recognize our brokenness as a brokenness in which we can come in touch with the unique way that God loves us. The great invitation is to live your brokenness under the blessing. I cannot take people's brokenness away and people cannot take my brokenness away. But how do you live in your brokenness? Do you live your brokenness under the blessing or under the curse? The great call of Jesus is to put your brokenness under the blessing.
- Henri J.M. Nouwen
- Henri J.M. Nouwen
Thursday, September 20, 2007
oh so ready.
Ok Jesus. I'm really ready now. I don't know how my heart is going to stand being here and staying in the states for another year and few months. I'm so ready to be gone soon. Lord, I just want to go. I don't want to be patient. I know I have no idea what I'd do once I was there. but Jesus.
Jesus, help me be happy where I am. Help me be present now and here. Help me learn love here, help me learn you, help learn how to serve. help me learn obedience and community. There are so many things that i need to learn better. and I know You are here. and I know that this is where I need to be.
Lord, I just want to cry Jesus. I want to cry at all the beautiful amazing possibilities. I'm crying for what I could be, its so overwhelming. I just want to go. Its where I need to be. but i don't know why yet.
and God, I'm okay with not knowing. i really am. i promise. and I am good with being here. its just hard sometimes.
but thank you for your dreams. and thank you for people like alicia who help me remember them, even if they're a long way off in the distance. and thank you for the mean time too Jesus. show me how to make the most of it.
i love you daddy.
yours always,
christine michelle
Jesus, help me be happy where I am. Help me be present now and here. Help me learn love here, help me learn you, help learn how to serve. help me learn obedience and community. There are so many things that i need to learn better. and I know You are here. and I know that this is where I need to be.
Lord, I just want to cry Jesus. I want to cry at all the beautiful amazing possibilities. I'm crying for what I could be, its so overwhelming. I just want to go. Its where I need to be. but i don't know why yet.
and God, I'm okay with not knowing. i really am. i promise. and I am good with being here. its just hard sometimes.
but thank you for your dreams. and thank you for people like alicia who help me remember them, even if they're a long way off in the distance. and thank you for the mean time too Jesus. show me how to make the most of it.
i love you daddy.
yours always,
christine michelle
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Monday, August 27, 2007
oh i love the message. like really. isaiah 26:1-6
At that time, this song will be sung in the country of Judah:
We have a strong city, Salvation City,
built and fortified with salvation.
Throw wide the gates
so good and true people can enter.
People with their minds set on you,
you keep completely whole,
Steady on their feet,
because they keep at it and don't quit.
Depend on God and keep at it
because in the Lord God you have a sure thing.
Those who lived high and mighty
he knocked off their high horse.
He used the city built on the hill
as fill for the marshes.
All the exploited and outcast peoples
build their lives on the reclaimed land.
We have a strong city, Salvation City,
built and fortified with salvation.
Throw wide the gates
so good and true people can enter.
People with their minds set on you,
you keep completely whole,
Steady on their feet,
because they keep at it and don't quit.
Depend on God and keep at it
because in the Lord God you have a sure thing.
Those who lived high and mighty
he knocked off their high horse.
He used the city built on the hill
as fill for the marshes.
All the exploited and outcast peoples
build their lives on the reclaimed land.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
love
my friend kelly, who is turning into a dear friend kelly, doesn't believe in love any more. not that i really blame her. sometimes i wonder why i don't either.
but deep down, i think everyone has to believe that somehow somewhere, love exists. and its so so so much more than sticky fingers and hot kisses. and that when poets eloquently rhapsody and romantic comedies soar at the box office, even those fall short of "the real thing".
The best place i know to read love is song of songs. (yes, it is about sex. yes, sex is a part of love. no, empty sex does not come remotely close)
"Love is invincible facing danger and death. Passion laughs at the terrors of hell. The fire of love stops at nothing- it sweeps everything before it. Flood waters can't drown love, torrents of rain can't put it out. Love can't be bought, love can't be sold - its not to be found in the marketplace"
i don't think she believes me, i don't think i believe me, when i say that i know this with such certainty because i have felt it. I loved Stuart. He loved me. I don't think i'm saying this just out of desperation and depression. I've analyzed the evidence left behind, and it all rings true. I'm convinced that what we said and what we did in the moment (the moment that lasted over a year once we both trusted each other) was True. And we were young. and naive. and it would have been miraculous for us to have lasted 4 years apart, but at the same time, a small voice wonders how much harder it could have gotten, not much, i don't think.
i just remember this feeling. this feeling of being Home. of feeling completed. of being accepted and cherished just for my existence. I remember one night laying in his lap on the couch watching tv, and never wanting to be anywhere else ever again. knowing that the pain of not having him around was something i never wanted to feel.
granted, things changed slowly. and there are always more "what ifs". and i wonder if my telling him not to come to WSU was telling him i didn't believe in us. somewhere along the way we got comfortable and forgot how lucky we were. didn't realize most couples aren't contemplating marriage in the first six months of dating. didn't realize a lot of things.
i know that things are over. and i know that theres more to life than romanticized recollections of things that need to stay behind. most importantly, i know that he's in college now and needs to live his own life as unrelated to me as possible. (and i him)
what is love?
"love is not enough" - kate (via logan)
"love is the appreciation and acceptance and laughter at someones foibles/faults/flaws" (or something like that) - margie
This is a creature on fire with love, but its still scary since most people think love only looks like one thing, instead of the whole world.
is it a fancy, or a feeling?..... or a Ferrars?
plus. just think how much better the real love of my life will be if stuart wasn't it. damn. thats gonna be HOT! lol. (and sweet and caring and emotionally present and a protector and a fighter)
but deep down, i think everyone has to believe that somehow somewhere, love exists. and its so so so much more than sticky fingers and hot kisses. and that when poets eloquently rhapsody and romantic comedies soar at the box office, even those fall short of "the real thing".
The best place i know to read love is song of songs. (yes, it is about sex. yes, sex is a part of love. no, empty sex does not come remotely close)
"Love is invincible facing danger and death. Passion laughs at the terrors of hell. The fire of love stops at nothing- it sweeps everything before it. Flood waters can't drown love, torrents of rain can't put it out. Love can't be bought, love can't be sold - its not to be found in the marketplace"
i don't think she believes me, i don't think i believe me, when i say that i know this with such certainty because i have felt it. I loved Stuart. He loved me. I don't think i'm saying this just out of desperation and depression. I've analyzed the evidence left behind, and it all rings true. I'm convinced that what we said and what we did in the moment (the moment that lasted over a year once we both trusted each other) was True. And we were young. and naive. and it would have been miraculous for us to have lasted 4 years apart, but at the same time, a small voice wonders how much harder it could have gotten, not much, i don't think.
i just remember this feeling. this feeling of being Home. of feeling completed. of being accepted and cherished just for my existence. I remember one night laying in his lap on the couch watching tv, and never wanting to be anywhere else ever again. knowing that the pain of not having him around was something i never wanted to feel.
granted, things changed slowly. and there are always more "what ifs". and i wonder if my telling him not to come to WSU was telling him i didn't believe in us. somewhere along the way we got comfortable and forgot how lucky we were. didn't realize most couples aren't contemplating marriage in the first six months of dating. didn't realize a lot of things.
i know that things are over. and i know that theres more to life than romanticized recollections of things that need to stay behind. most importantly, i know that he's in college now and needs to live his own life as unrelated to me as possible. (and i him)
what is love?
"love is not enough" - kate (via logan)
"love is the appreciation and acceptance and laughter at someones foibles/faults/flaws" (or something like that) - margie
This is a creature on fire with love, but its still scary since most people think love only looks like one thing, instead of the whole world.
is it a fancy, or a feeling?..... or a Ferrars?
plus. just think how much better the real love of my life will be if stuart wasn't it. damn. thats gonna be HOT! lol. (and sweet and caring and emotionally present and a protector and a fighter)
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
qualifications for future Someone (lol)
1. stubborn (-er than me)
2. trustworthy
3. loyal
4. honorable
5. passionate
6. be able to keep my heart safe(r)
7. be able and willing to do whatever it takes
8. not leave
9. know that theres so much more to life (ie knows Jesus and acts on it)
10. not be a smartass
11. be willing and able to talk to anyone (charmer?)
12. trusts me
13. romance me
14. deal with me
15. speak in metaphors with me
16. take me on adventures
17. seek the Lord
18. either help me let go of Logan completely or get closer to Logan than I am or otherwise take control of that situation (in a respectful and honoring way) or approve completely
19. talk with me
20. balance me out
21. be willing and able to both problem solve and create with me (not like making art with Stuart, our styles need to not clash...)
22. not get in intelligence battles with anyone, least of all me. (don't need him to be smarter/stupider than me, just needs to not need to compete in that area. such a freaking turnoff, gah, ew)
23. pass a kissel or similar stature person test
24. know primary first aid
25. keep me safe
26. love me for Me!
27. love Jesus in me
28. show me Jesus in him for me to love and learn from
29. be able to teach me
30. knowledge thirsty
31. peacenik definite plus
32. the more languages the better
33. heart for the poor
34. want diversity (in opinion, lifestyle, thought patterns, culture)
35. be able to cook!
36. sailer definite plus
--. pilot scares me
37. defender of femininity/womankind
38. functional family definite plus
39. desire for functional family
40. will make out with me at the teenage hangout when we're in our forties just for the laughs
41. will hold my hand no matter how old we are
42. will make out with me no matter our ages (warning: neeny has sex drive... but really needs emotional support for it to be worth anything)
43. will play make-believe (and banter, and use innuendo occasionally, and be able to take something and run with it)
44. will take me serious
45. will inspire me
46. enjoys spicy food!
47. enjoys new experience
48. is ok with not knowing what happens next
49. is ok with not having control
50. sees Beauty
51. loves my family for who they are
52. is someone who can create a family wherever they (we) are
53. reads
54. either makes money or is really really ok with not having any
55. passes a combination of lindsey/iveth/gillian test
56. wants more than 2 kids.
57. is a father figure/mentor without always realizing it
58. leads!
59. can make a home a home
60. innovative (makes something out of nothing)
2. trustworthy
3. loyal
4. honorable
5. passionate
6. be able to keep my heart safe(r)
7. be able and willing to do whatever it takes
8. not leave
9. know that theres so much more to life (ie knows Jesus and acts on it)
10. not be a smartass
11. be willing and able to talk to anyone (charmer?)
12. trusts me
13. romance me
14. deal with me
15. speak in metaphors with me
16. take me on adventures
17. seek the Lord
18. either help me let go of Logan completely or get closer to Logan than I am or otherwise take control of that situation (in a respectful and honoring way) or approve completely
19. talk with me
20. balance me out
21. be willing and able to both problem solve and create with me (not like making art with Stuart, our styles need to not clash...)
22. not get in intelligence battles with anyone, least of all me. (don't need him to be smarter/stupider than me, just needs to not need to compete in that area. such a freaking turnoff, gah, ew)
23. pass a kissel or similar stature person test
24. know primary first aid
25. keep me safe
26. love me for Me!
27. love Jesus in me
28. show me Jesus in him for me to love and learn from
29. be able to teach me
30. knowledge thirsty
31. peacenik definite plus
32. the more languages the better
33. heart for the poor
34. want diversity (in opinion, lifestyle, thought patterns, culture)
35. be able to cook!
36. sailer definite plus
--. pilot scares me
37. defender of femininity/womankind
38. functional family definite plus
39. desire for functional family
40. will make out with me at the teenage hangout when we're in our forties just for the laughs
41. will hold my hand no matter how old we are
42. will make out with me no matter our ages (warning: neeny has sex drive... but really needs emotional support for it to be worth anything)
43. will play make-believe (and banter, and use innuendo occasionally, and be able to take something and run with it)
44. will take me serious
45. will inspire me
46. enjoys spicy food!
47. enjoys new experience
48. is ok with not knowing what happens next
49. is ok with not having control
50. sees Beauty
51. loves my family for who they are
52. is someone who can create a family wherever they (we) are
53. reads
54. either makes money or is really really ok with not having any
55. passes a combination of lindsey/iveth/gillian test
56. wants more than 2 kids.
57. is a father figure/mentor without always realizing it
58. leads!
59. can make a home a home
60. innovative (makes something out of nothing)
Sunday, August 12, 2007
i don't have much of anything altogether.
i feel like i overcompensate for that sometimes with a stronger voice than i think i deserve.
in theory, i want the Truth. i want to Love.
in reality i want to not be lied to and i want to be loved
i feel like i should want Jesus more than Truth and Love, seeing as he embodies those (in theory).
he fills my heart
and it doesn't hurt
i'm irresponsible and messy
and my phone is probably dying, at this point in time. no matter when you're reading this.
my tummy is growling
but food doesn't sound that great right now
its almost midnight
thank you for this year daddy; and the rest of the years coming. thank you for those too.
i love you daddy.
i feel like i overcompensate for that sometimes with a stronger voice than i think i deserve.
in theory, i want the Truth. i want to Love.
in reality i want to not be lied to and i want to be loved
i feel like i should want Jesus more than Truth and Love, seeing as he embodies those (in theory).
he fills my heart
and it doesn't hurt
i'm irresponsible and messy
and my phone is probably dying, at this point in time. no matter when you're reading this.
my tummy is growling
but food doesn't sound that great right now
its almost midnight
thank you for this year daddy; and the rest of the years coming. thank you for those too.
i love you daddy.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)