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I find it funny that I have been more myself this week than I feel like I have been for a while. I was houseless for the week. Sleeping outside in the cold (woke up with snow falling softly on my face the first night). Asking other people for food. (No one ever refused). Spending a lot of time huddled. Spent a lot of time in public space (Whitworth makes me happy). And I laughed a lot. The things people said were truly funny. (perhaps due to a lack of sleep). We had a beautiful community of about 30 people (and some dropped out halfway through). We met every night to talk about the day. The good stuff. the bad stuff. Stories. the Happies and the Crappies. We napped in public places. Stole food from fancy Whitworth events. Some people sustained themselves by eating off the trays that people had deposited in SAGA. Once again: Beautiful. Our most pressing concern was always sleep. The warm places. The cool places. The soft places. The dark places. The windy places. the sheltered places. Some freshmen girls from Tiki took it upon themselves to bring hot water and cocoa and cider around midnight every night to whoever they could find.
We cuddled at night. For warmth of course. But it surprised me how much I miss having a body nearby when I sleep. I sleep so much more soundly (that might be due to how tired i was). Kristen my new friend was a very good snuggler.
And then I came back to reality. or real life. or whatever you want to call this carefree warm world of dorms and cafeteria food whenever you want. I have my laptop again, freeing me to continue working on this paper past midnight when all the buildings on campus are closed. I slept in my bed last night. Wasted six hours of my life watching movies last night. Listened to my insecure roommate try to reestablish the old relationship with her boyfriend Tyler (who also did the houseless challenge). I have stopped loving her, I think. And I think if I was more servile, it would bother me more than it does.
I wasn’t super close to Jesus in the traditional ways this past week. In fact, I’m still somewhat disillusioned with his followers since spring break. But, I lived in the trust and knowledge that I would be taken care of. I read the sermon of the mount on Wednesday, and I smilingly understood when I read the part about the lilies of the field. Whether it was from an unspoken inherent dependence on God, or a knowledge that the sphere of the world I was inhabiting was truly safe, I did not fear during the week. I was fed by others. I was encouraged by others. My community and I grew together. And somehow that picture of the Kingdom was more than enough to sustain me, even without the vocabulary attached.
I don’t really like it back in the easy life. I want K-Jo to see more to life. Or maybe just for her to see it like I do. big smile, I know I’m biased sometimes. I am alive. I am treasured. I can laugh freely in Christ’s Kingdom. I am not dependent on boys or male approval or any of those other things (Katie Petitt and I decided that my relational hopes should be looking forward to SA since they have eluded me so far on campus. lol. i’m hoping that there is some magic formula that some male will have inhaled so that I will find him mature, non-awkward, passionate and more. KP has her David here, so I think she might live vicariously through my dreams)
That night we slept fitfully in her car, Katie and I talked about dreams, and disappointments, and hope. How good we are at having high expectations and being upset when they aren’t fulfilled. We talked about many things. It was good to see an independent mirror of my heart.
The days went by painfully slow, but looking back, were so incredibly full (of blessing). I still had classes, still had homework. It was slightly more awkward to try to do hw, but at least, I could always leave to a more quiet place. I was unapologetic about that sort of thing, unlike if I was in my own room.
On days when I had water aerobics in the morning, I carried my swimsuit with me, waiting for it to dry so I could put it back in my backpack with the rest of the stuff I was carrying. I spread my bright pink towel over the fake trees upstairs in the HUB, with my speedo one-piece awkwardly hanging underneath.
I did most of my homework on one of the two computers upstairs in the HUB. Near a circle of couches upon which, generally, one or two of us were napping at a time. There were piles of baggage whenever two or more of us had gathered together. We were also unapologetic about that. (interesting metaphor that I might extricate further) We easily shared the food that had been donated to our cause, and at the end of every meal period, we usually had leftovers. Duvall had a prayer labyrinth one night, and donated their leftover communion bread and grape juice to us. We had delicious Jesus for breakfast for the next two days.
It was easier for some to ask for food than others. Kyle Navis as of Thursday hadn’t asked for food once. Some people took up fasting, while others (myself included) ate more than we usually do in a week. I had two blatant requests for food. and one coffee begging. I asked this girl Caroline, who I vaguely know, to buy me a Luna bar for lunch one day, which she did, but was somewhat gracefully confused about. And I asked Josh to buy me a muffin (more to see if he would or not than for hunger reasons…. is that bad?) He bought the muffin reluctantly, and definitely took three bites out of it before he handed it over. Silly boy. Maybe I’m judging too harshly (I know, probably shouldn’t be judging at all), but that boy is selfish even in giving to hungry people he knows. And just to exonerate/sanctify myself further, I will add that I went back to our group huddled around the fireplace and shared that chocolate chip muffin with everyone there.
Another funny Josh story. On the first day I was sitting in Lied Square (the lobbyish area of the HUB), and Josh comes awkwardly out of SAGA (after passing me earlier without greeting) and asks if I’m doing the Houseless Challenge. I say that I am, and he thrusts a banana at me, then walks away quickly. I’m a little upset about this abrupt interaction, especially the lack of actual conversation, until I hear as he walks out the door “Hey! that’s my roommate!” Tyler had been completely snubbed and ignored, while I had only partially been. Apparently what I experienced was the perks of having dating the interesting character of Joshua Steven Jensen.
I think, if I wasn’t going to be in South Africa next year, I would try harder to be inconspicuous. I would try to see if I could get people to feed me without me telling them I was participating in the Houseless Challenge. I would come up with reasons for carrying my various articles with me, or I would bring less stuff, and just have a normal backpack. Or I would try the fast thing a little more.
I love Whitworth. I love that Communities in Crisis (the club that sponsored this event) exists. And that there are other people who are attracted to things like this, and that we can experience and attempt to understand together. It would be interesting to see how much further this could be taken. (While still understanding that homelessness is so much more than our one small vain attempt). With more time it would feel less like an adventure, less like a camping trip, and people would probably get tired of feeding us. we’d also probably figure out new shortcuts, get better at depending on each other, and grow even closer. We’d build more permanent structures. We’d smell even grosser. And I think it would be an even more breathtaking picture of how we’re supposed to live as Christians.
