oh so ready.

Ok Jesus. I'm really ready now. I don't know how my heart is going to stand being here and staying in the states for another year and few months. I'm so ready to be gone soon. Lord, I just want to go. I don't want to be patient. I know I have no idea what I'd do once I was there. but Jesus.
Jesus, help me be happy where I am. Help me be present now and here. Help me learn love here, help me learn you, help learn how to serve. help me learn obedience and community. There are so many things that i need to learn better. and I know You are here. and I know that this is where I need to be.
Lord, I just want to cry Jesus. I want to cry at all the beautiful amazing possibilities. I'm crying for what I could be, its so overwhelming. I just want to go. Its where I need to be. but i don't know why yet.
and God, I'm okay with not knowing. i really am. i promise. and I am good with being here. its just hard sometimes.
but thank you for your dreams. and thank you for people like alicia who help me remember them, even if they're a long way off in the distance. and thank you for the mean time too Jesus. show me how to make the most of it.
i love you daddy.
yours always,
christine michelle

mmm Jesus.
mmmm South Africa.
grr for not feeling good enough
sigh at feeling crazy
silly eyeroll at random emotions that probably had best stay unnamed.