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She tells us afterwards the best analogy she can come up with.
Its like finding out you're pregnant.
She's the mother who for so many reasons has been telling us to turn this grant in early.
For our well-being, for our health, for our futures, JUST LISTEN TO HER.
We'd worked really hard, we'd created so much good material. we were really going somewhere.
Until we looked down and saw that we were Late.
Desperately speeding down to County Purchasing. Shoe stuck in the door.
Getting there at 2:01.
The pit that dropped then, it settled, it is quite comfortable in the depths of our stomachs and psyche.
The terror that she tried to convey, through e-mails, loving support, conversation after conversation.
Even Sophia's admonishments the day of.
were nothing.
compared to this. this lethal potion of guilt-judgement-failure.
Its something we'll never forget.
We did not live in terror, and that terror was not the final line for us.
And we turned in our proposal late.
She says she's disappointed and sad, with us.
now we're marked. we've joined the club. of those with denied dreams
that Late-ness was all that mattered.
kinda like being pregnant.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
Its three am, i must be lonely now
So the sermon today at UPC was about Solomon, when he asked for wisdom.
and the point was that we can't just ask for anything. we have to love God first. and then within that, desire that which we desire.
I really want something to happen. But I'm being outwardly passive and patient, and possibly being really obnoxious in the regularity that I pray for that to happen.
but in other news, I love those GAYG girls so much. and its so crazy that some of them are going into COLLEGE!! i feel like they're my baby sisters, and they're not allowed to be that old yet!
but at the same time, its so nice that they're maturing, asking deeper questions, really asking advice.
i'm gonna miss them a lot a lot. i could probably cry.
but part of that is also because its 4am by now, and I still haven't finished writing the grant material stuff.
hm,
maybe i should get on that. :)
and the point was that we can't just ask for anything. we have to love God first. and then within that, desire that which we desire.
I really want something to happen. But I'm being outwardly passive and patient, and possibly being really obnoxious in the regularity that I pray for that to happen.
but in other news, I love those GAYG girls so much. and its so crazy that some of them are going into COLLEGE!! i feel like they're my baby sisters, and they're not allowed to be that old yet!
but at the same time, its so nice that they're maturing, asking deeper questions, really asking advice.
i'm gonna miss them a lot a lot. i could probably cry.
but part of that is also because its 4am by now, and I still haven't finished writing the grant material stuff.
hm,
maybe i should get on that. :)
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